Demipho me provocantes, quando mihi irascor nolis

Dr David Banner

     After I came to terms with the fact that no matter how hard I denied the cancer it was not going to change the reality, I was overwhelmed by a variety of other emotions.  

     I have struggled  my entire life to control anger.  I haven't perfected it yet, but I have gained more control the older I got.  Anger attacked me with a vengeance!  I mean suddenly I went from being a healthy and relatively young man to a very weak and sick man who might not make it out of the hospital.  the worst part of it all was I couldn't find anyone to blame.  I couldn't RAGE against anyone.  It was not the fault of the Doctors or Nurses, or any other living person I could find. A fact that only made the anger worse.

     As I see it, I only really had two choices.  I could keep that anger inside and make myself and everyone around me miserable, or I could release it.  I do believe that anger can be useful when it is used properly.

I could not find any way for this anger to be useful.  This anger would wind up being as poisonous as the cancer.  

     I don't want to mislead you, it has not been easy to release all the anger. I have to deal with the anger daily, but by not giving in to the anger I feel that I have controlled it.  

     I feel that each of us has the power to control our emotions if we want it badly enough.

One Day at a Time