"LIVING AND DYING IN 3/4 TIME"

Jimmy Buffett

     When you get a diagnosis like mine, suddenly you become the center of attention.  The Doctors and Nurses are all over you.  However, there are other folks who need attention....the families and caregivers are often overlooked.  

     It seems to me that more attention should be given the families.  I was given access to services and antidepressants after my diagnosis but no one has yet to offer my family any access to that. 

     It would be easy to forget that your family/caregiver goes through all the mental and emotional anguish that you do.  The only thing that they don't share is the physical aspects of your diagnosis.  

     I think a more holistic approach is needed to win the battle against these diseases.  Not just for the patient but also for the families.  Do not misunderstand, my doctors and nurses have been fantastic, but they have offered little or  no support for my sister.  Mental and emotional help should be part of the treatment not just for the patient but for those around them.  I have seen too many times where folks give in mentally or emotionally and end up losing their battle.  

     You patients need to consider your caregivers.......walk in their shoes, imagine what they are going through.  I know we have it a bit tougher, but they have to support us as well as themselves.

One Day at a Time

IN NOMINE PATRIS ET FILII, ET SPIRITUS SANCTUS

     I have always been aware of the difference between Spirituality and Religion. 

     My Mother did not believe in FORCING her children, or anyone else, to believe in her brand of religion. 

      

     I have been exposed to a large variety of religious beliefs.  Everything from Fundamental Christianity  to Orthodox Judaism.  I had a Grandmother who was Pentacostal, a step-father who was Jewish converted to Catholicism, my adoptive father was Episcopalian, an Uncle whom was Baptist, various friends and family who were ALL varieties of  Protestantism, friends who practiced a wide variety of "New Age" beliefs.

     I attended a Catholic school when I was young and later joined the Cumberland Presbyterian church because my best friend and his family went to it.  I realized later that I had joined not because of shared beliefs but to be with my friend and his family.  The older I got, the more I felt drawn to my first REAL exposure to religion....Catholicism.

     During my first stay in the hospital, I asked for a Priest to come and baptise me into the Catholic church before I went into surgery......two different Priest visited and gave me Blessings, Prayed over me and couldn't get away fast enough.....I was in that hospital for 23 days and neither Priest even followed up.  Kinda left a bad taste in my mouth.  It was not like the Priests and Nuns I remember from my youth.  Those folks were kind and nurturing.  Maybe if I had been rich and could have left lots of money to the Church it might have been different.

     I have no doubt where I will go when I GO.  

Spirituality  your own relationship with God

Religion  someone else's belief in what you should Believe

Especially when Money is involved

     

A HAZY SHADE OF.......

Time, time, time....see whats become of me, while I looked around at my possibilities.....

Paul Simon

     Most of us go through our lives believing we have lots of time to do all those things we always wanted to do.  We put off all kinds of things always thinking we can do it 'tomorrow' or 'next week' or 'next year'.  And for the vast majority of us it will be true with our average life expectancy in the mid 70s and getting longer all the time.  The truth is there is NO guarantee.

     I have my share of things that have been put off till 'later'.  After my diagnosis of cancer I suddenly felt that I had 'run out' of time.  I mourned all the things  'I would NEVER do.  That is BS!!!

     I refuse to give up!  

     No matter who you are or what your situation.......do those things you always wanted to. The biggest SIN in life is not LIVING life.  I mean who really wants to be remembered as a Good Employee......wouldn't it be better to be remembered for your ADVENTURES????

One Day at a Time

     

DEEP BLUE SOMETHING

     Dealing with all the information and decisions keeps your mind off things for a time, but after awhile things have a way of asserting themselves.  

     Depression sets in.  It follows no set time frame or formula.  It can manifest as mild or severe.  It comes and goes without rhyme or reason.

     I have dealt with depression in some form or another for most of my life.  It started in my early teens.  I went through therapy and found ways to deal with it.  The depression never truly went away but I managed to handle it.  So when I was diagnosed with cancer I was not surprised that I became depressed.  

     I was not prepared for the depth and swiftness it hit.  The first time my mind slowed down I went into a tailspin.  My depressive episodes usually feel like I am sinking in a pool,  but this episode felt like I was being forced under water by huge crashing waves over and over.  

     I have been able to deal with the episodes so far because of my history with depression, but I can only imagine how overwhelming the feelings could be to someone who has no experience with depression.  It is very important for the folks who are going through this to understand it is PERFECTLY normal.  Do not be afraid to tell your Doctor about what you are going through, they may even prescribe something to help you get through it.  They may also suggest a therapist to help you. Remember you do not have to be in this alone.  

One Day at a Time

Demipho me provocantes, quando mihi irascor nolis

Dr David Banner

     After I came to terms with the fact that no matter how hard I denied the cancer it was not going to change the reality, I was overwhelmed by a variety of other emotions.  

     I have struggled  my entire life to control anger.  I haven't perfected it yet, but I have gained more control the older I got.  Anger attacked me with a vengeance!  I mean suddenly I went from being a healthy and relatively young man to a very weak and sick man who might not make it out of the hospital.  the worst part of it all was I couldn't find anyone to blame.  I couldn't RAGE against anyone.  It was not the fault of the Doctors or Nurses, or any other living person I could find. A fact that only made the anger worse.

     As I see it, I only really had two choices.  I could keep that anger inside and make myself and everyone around me miserable, or I could release it.  I do believe that anger can be useful when it is used properly.

I could not find any way for this anger to be useful.  This anger would wind up being as poisonous as the cancer.  

     I don't want to mislead you, it has not been easy to release all the anger. I have to deal with the anger daily, but by not giving in to the anger I feel that I have controlled it.  

     I feel that each of us has the power to control our emotions if we want it badly enough.

One Day at a Time

BEATING THE ODDS

     In early June I heard the words no one ever wants to hear....."You have Cancer"

     Yeah,  I had to let that sink in.  I felt that all the air had been sucked from me.  I mean I was as healthy and strong as any horse.  I had no limits, I could work in the heat all day and ask for more.  I was able to walk many miles if needed with no ill effects.  I couldn't have cancer.

CALL ME PHARAOH

     At first I was the "king of de nile".  DENIAL   An ugly word.  No matter how appropriate it is.  It is the first step.  The  feeling is 'no way'  or 'it can't be me" or even 'there must be a mistake'.  I was not allowed the luxury of DENIAL for very long as I was in surgery within a few hours.

     I came out of surgery to find out not only did I have colon cancer but it had spread to my liver.  Talk about a double whammy.  Colon cancer is one of the more treatable types of cancer UNTIL it spreads.  That is when the challenges really begin.

STAGE IV and BEYOND

     As of this writing, my prognosis is somewhat good.  I am still recovering from 2 surgeries that happend within a week of each other.  I also am getting prepared for Chemotherapy to shrink the cancer on my liver so that maybe they can operate again and remove the portion of my liver that has been damaged.  If they can remove that portion of my liver I have a pretty good chance of remission.  For now all I can do is wait and see.  

One Day At a Time